90 Years Old

I’ll tell you what I worry about the most, what’s most important. Not losing my mind.

Twenty three years ago I was a regular old chap, I was thinking of retiring. I had been working for a long time making shoes, it’s what I did, I didn’t mind it very much.

One night at home I was sitting outside with my wife, watching the cars drive by our house. Most sped by so fast we were barely able to see the people inside. The sound the cars made, it was soothing, it’s like rain. There were so many of them, it was as if we were looking at a long exposed photograph.

My whole life changed that day, as we sat there, looking at the cars.

A roaring sound. A flash of light. An explosion behind me. Fire.

A car had leapt from the road above us and made its way into our second floor. I looked to my left to grab my wife’s hand and get out of the danger zone. But she wasn’t there anymore. Instead, a hunk of metal embedded into her lifeless body sat on the ground. It was a gruesome thing to see, I could barely recognise her. Her face was gone, I could make out arms, and legs, but no torso.

I screamed.

I looked frantically around me, trying to find something or someone to help me. I saw a person walking through my partially destroyed home. I ran to the front door, went inside and found a man standing there, in front of me. He was clearly drunk out of his mind, I remember the first thing he said.

“Hey, don’t call the cops ok?”

I raged, I have no other way of saying it. I went up to him and delivered the only beating I have ever given. I punched him once and he went to the ground. I punched him then, many other times. This part is blurry in mind, I cannot remember exactly how long I was there, punching him, screaming. I do remember that when I got up, I was exhausted and his head was a red pulp.

The police arrived soon after and I was arrested.

I didn’t go to my wife’s funeral, because I was in prison, I was sent almost immediately to the Lunar prison 22, and here I’ve remained.

Everyday I think of her, everyday I think of him, and everyday I’m afraid I’ll lose my mind.