I regret it. I regret every single choice that has led to my current predicament, all the way back to when I was six years old and I told my mother to buy me a SpaceX B-77 scale model spaceship to play with. I should have asked for a stupid fire truck.
Here I sit before a gargantuan alien being demanding, in exchange for my life that I suck on his long phallus. It smells like acid, like putrefact lemon. It is slimy and yellow. It is everything that I don’t want it to be, starting with it being a god damned alien dick.
I tried to bargain. First I asked to do work. I’m a capable man, it seemed reasonable, clean a few gutters… hell clean all the gutters, but they had none of it.
Then I pleaded. Just the tip? I asked with the voice of a man who has lost all dignity. But they stood their ground. And in the last moments before I start the deed I recalled the article I thought would stay irrelevant until the day I died.
Here goes nothing.